Have you ever ghosted someone online? If so, have you ever considered why, or asked yourself: would you do that IRL (in real life)? Most likely… not. However, in the age of the chronically online, new rules of social interaction apply. In this “third space” of social media (Wachs, 2023), new social norms have emerged: ghosting, the abrupt end to communication to end a relationship; “screenshot culture,” where your private messages suddenly become public; and parasocial relationships, where connections with influencers feel stronger than those that surround you. These emergent phenomena are prompting researchers to investigate the impact of social media on the public. From psychology to sociology to media studies—everyone is examining how digital interaction is affecting human behavior. In this article, we will introduce the concept of the chronically online and explore its effects through the lens of Jonathan Haidt. In his 2024 book, The Anxious Generation, Haidt suggests that a “great rewiring” occurred in Gen Z as phone-based play replaced in-person play for the first time in modern history. Lastly, we ask ourselves: Is this anxiety justified?
What is Chronically Online?
Chronically online is a term used to describe someone whose worldview and perceptions are distorted from reality, leading to impacts on real-life and in-person social interactions. Additionally, this often involves an excessive amount of time spent in what is referred to as a “third space” of social media and online communities. Due to this dedication to life online, an individual’s time spent interacting in physical space is significantly reduced.
The Anxious Generation
The chronically online are often associated with Gen Z. Gen Z is commonly defined as those born between 1997 and 2012; however, Jonathan Haidt, in his 2024 book, pays particular attention to those born between 2010 and 2015. He defines this timeframe as the “great rewiring,” a period in which he observed significant rises in anxiety, depression, and internalizing disorders. ‘Those are symptoms such as anxiety or fear turned inward, leading to rumination and other forms of social withdrawal’ (Haidt, 2024).
During this period, significant changes occurred in our daily lives, especially with the introduction of the iPhone 4 and its front-facing camera in June 2010. I suggest that this is the point when the “third space” truly came to be, and the concept of the chronically online came to fruition. We selfied ourselves into a new dimension (i.e., this third space), and in this new dimension, we play by a different set of social norms. It offers a digital Serengeti—a new terrain that comes with its own set of predators.
In Real Life Norms vs. Digital Life
Conflict Resolution Skills
Face to Face
Every day we go to work, and every day there is that one guy or gal who rubs you the wrong way. Our parents and partners know them as well as we do—their name rolls off the tongue right after the question: “How was your day?” However, every day, we continue to go to work and get along, or seek a resolution to improve the work environment. This skill is pivotal in daily life. We do this because of the likelihood of future interaction and because social etiquette demands it.
Digital Life
Ghosting (sudden silence) has replaced the break-up talk, no matter how long the communication has taken place. Additionally, a political disagreement arises on a social post, a back-and-forth ensues, and we block the individual, instantly removing them from our sight and lives. This ability to partake in avoidance is now effortless.
Privacy and Accountability
Face to Face
How many times have we been asked to keep a secret—and how many times have we let that secret slip? At the time, the pinky promise felt as powerful as a mutual non-disclosure agreement. However, once the secret was revealed, a conflict arose. That moment taught us the value of being someone others can confide in—and what it means to be held accountable to a person or group.
Digital Life
How many times have we scrolled through a feed and seen someone’s private DMs disclosed publicly? Alternatively, I watched a YouTube video and heard, “I got receipts,” and thought, “Wow, I didn’t know they were into that.” This “screenshot culture,” while sometimes framed as accountability, is often enabled by anonymity, and it frequently reduces personal accountability overall. Instead, it leads to harassment, shaming, and a pursuit of clout. Now, [somebody] can share anything we say without context or explanation. This leads many to exist in a state of hypervigilance, as literally anything you say can be used against you in the court of public opinion.
Conversation Timing
Face to Face
How many of us remember being told, “I am not finished,” or saying, “Let me finish”? These turn-taking procedures are pivotal for successful communication and are often learned tacitly through our interactions with others. We know when it is appropriate to speak because social cues moderate our behavior.
Digital Life
Have you ever wondered why we developed that little floating typing icon in text messaging? It is an attempt to synchronize conversation and mimic turn-taking. It may seem like something small, but it is HUGE(!). How often have you stopped mid-text because you saw that icon appear?
The majority of digital interaction is asynchronous. It does not line up. You have little to no visual or auditory cues (e.g., silence) to know when it is your turn.
Relationship Formation
Face to Face
Friendships grow through repeated in-person interaction. Trust is developed through mutual self-disclosure and being there for someone in times of need. These relationships have clear distinctions: acquaintance, friend, close friend, best friend, co-worker, boyfriend/girlfriend/partner, husband and wife, family.
Digital Life
Online relationships have no clear distinctions. How many of us have a “friend” on Facebook whom we have never met or exchanged a word with? Friendships may develop based on shared interests in a virtual community. Nevertheless, there is no face-to-face interaction, and repeated interaction is not guaranteed. Still, extreme levels of self-disclosure may occur, and a facade of trust can develop, often leading to adverse outcomes.
We also see parasocial relationships—classical one-sided connections (e.g., with a celebrity/influencer), or 1.5-sided parasocial relationships (Kowert, Daniel Jr., 2021), where limited back-and-forth exists (e.g., with live streamers). Moreover, with the development of AI, we are now hearing stories of individuals forming deep bonds with AI agents. A key part of life is learning how to handle rejection. But in online relationships: the risk of rejection is reduced.
Nonverbal Cues
Face to Face
In face to face interaction, we are flooded with information that adds context and emotion to the conversation. Facial expressions, body language, appearance, even your shoes or whether your socks match – communicate your lifestyle, intention, and purpose for interaction.
Digital Life
We are left with very little. This leads to real-world harm. Catfishing, the misrepresentation of oneself to deceive another – can and does occur, often with horrible outcomes. There are even television shows now that glorify this behavior. Without visual context or cues, people may easily imitate behavior to deceive or scam others.
Text and emojis are used to mimic tone and expression, but misrepresentation and miscommunication are common. How many of us have paused during a text conversation with our partner and said, “It is time for a phone call”?
Is this Anxiety Justified?
This third space has fostered a digital Serengeti with its own set of rules… and its own set of predators.
Where we once resolved conflict, we now ghost. Where we once built relationships, we now develop one-sided bonds to reduce the risk of rejection. Where we once told secrets in confidence, we now weigh and measure every word to avoid public shame. Where we once relied on visual and auditory cues, we now have a blinking text bubble. Moreover, in this Serengeti, real predators exist. Catfishers roam this space, seeking to deceive, scam, or acquire information to blackmail you. Trolls roam, looking to provoke and pick bones. Others may seek more direct means of harm—doxxing you, sharing your personal information so people can find you in real life. So, is it understandable that this generation has increased risks of internalizing disorders? I would say yes. In a world where anything you do or say can be used against you, the one who assumes all things may be a threat will most likely survive. But survival is not the same as thriving and if we want to cultivate a society that does more than endure, we must ask whether this new normal is worth adapting to, or if it is time to rewrite the rules again.
Potential solutions coming up!
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